Although I usually write specifically about ethical fashion, my heart’s journey toward social justice has also included a lot of learning about race in America. So after I posted a version of the following words on Facebook, I decided to add it to my blog because (1) my goal of “kind life and style” absolutely includes speaking out against racism and (2) hopefully, I can keep updating here with more things that, sadly and undoubtedly, I will continue to see.

I can see now that for some people who cried "George Floyd's death was unjust!" when it first happened, what they really meant was, "George Floyd's death was unjust!**"

**As long as no one who protests it steps out of line. That will magically invalidate the arguments protesters are making. Better luck next time, protesters! I guess I still won't participate in your justice efforts after all. Try again and then maybe I'll start to listen, ok?

(Not to mention - more information is coming out that the looting was NOT caused by those within the BLM movement, but by white supremacists and others wishing to sow chaos.)

White people: no more asterisks.

Unfortunately, our brains really, really like to cling to what feels comfortable, and will do so until we challenge them. And the volume I’m seeing isn’t so much of overt white hatred toward people of color (though that clearly is there); it’s white complacency. For every person who overtly hates, there are hundreds more who say “all lives matter” while putting up blinders to the very real problems of systemic racism in our world, or sneaky bias in their own hearts, thereby opting out of the important work of dismantling either. The problem I’m seeing is the white assumption that we aren’t biased, nor are others. But maintaining this requires some mental gymnastics - asterisks - that reveal an underlying lack of concern.

Here are other asterisks I've seen in others' murders, that apparently make many deny the need for change...

“Ahmaud Arbery’s death was tragic but**”

*Unless I find a random YouTube video suggesting Ahmaud Arbery did break in, in which case I'll downgrade his murderers from "racist" to just "stupid.”

*Except that Eric Garner did sell those cigarettes illegally, so.

*Except that Breonna Taylor's boyfriend shot at the police who broke in (unannounced and without cause), so.

*Except that the victim was on drugs, so.

*Unless we learn he/she was a troublemaker in school or had a record.

*Except that he/she fought back.

*Except that he/she tried to run.

*Except that Tamir Rice should have dropped his gun and put his hands up. Yeah, he only had like a tenth of a second and it was a toy gun and he was a child but still. So sad, but what can ya do.

*Except that Trayvon Martin shouldn't have had his hood up. Tsk tsk. It's a shame.

*Except that the officer said the victim might have had a gun, so.

You say you're trying to be open-minded and see "both sides." But here's the thing: If you say these murders are "tragic" but still don't see the racism bleeding all over our country, maybe it's because you're waiting for some unattainable "poster child" of a victim (spoiler alert: you'll ALWAYS find an asterisk if you look hard enough), and/or you insist that no one who decries the murder does anything other than say "pretty please stop murdering us, if it's not too much trouble, ma'am/sir."

And you're ignoring a whole lot of voices in the meantime. Voices of those who are suffering from our country's proud, 400-year-old racist history. And voices of those who benefit from it (like me) and decry it.

The longer you cling to asterisks, the harder it is for me to believe you truly value all lives. I want to extend grace because I know how powerfully our minds can protect us against uncomfortable facts, but to use one of my favorite, Enneagram-1 sayings, “when you know better, do better.” And when you know better and still don’t work to change, it becomes willful ignorance and my patience runs thin.

So stop. Just stop.

Want a good resource to start listening with an open heart? Click here.